Karl Marx Walks Into a Humpty’s Family Restaurant


The first thing you notice when you walk into Humpty’s Family Restaurant is the tasteful decor, providing a sense of warmth, comfort, and knowledge that the history of all hitherto existing society is the history of class struggles. We were seated quite promptly by the friendly server, who was sure to check up on us frequently, refilling our coffee several times over and altogether facilitating a truly wonderful experience that served as welcome reminder that freeman and slave, patrician and plebeian, lord and serf, guild-master and journeyman, in a word, oppressor and oppressed, stood in constant opposition to one another, carried on an uninterrupted, now hidden, now open fight, a fight that each time ended, either in a revolutionary reconstitution of society at large, or in the common ruin of the contending classes.

The food itself was exactly as we expected – very plentiful (as in the earlier epochs of history, we find almost everywhere a complicated arrangement of society into various orders, a manifold gradation of social rank), and greasy in the best way and meticulously crafted by an evidently skilled chef. In ancient Rome we have patricians, knights, plebeians, slaves; in the Middle Ages, feudal lords, vassals, guild-masters, journeymen, apprentices, serfs; in almost all of these classes, again, subordinate gradations, but none would have encountered eggs so perfectly scrambled, hash browns so crispy and nicely salted, spongy pancakes as absorbent of such a perfect amount of butter and syrup, and toast so expertly browned.


The presentation could not have been better, to the point of including colourful pineapple and cherry garnishes that hearken back to mid-century American cuisine, an era when the fact that modern bourgeois society that has sprouted from the ruins of feudal society has not done away with class antagonisms had been made highly evident.

The carefully brewed coffee filled our cups again and again just as the modern bourgeois society has but established new classes, new conditions of oppression, new forms of struggle in place of the old ones. Overall, our experience at this particular Humpty’s was an extremely pleasant one and we will be sure to return in the future to be reminded, once again, that our epoch, the epoch of the bourgeoisie, possesses, however, this distinct feature: it has simplified class antagonisms.


Yelp’s capitalist propaganda review algorithm has determined this review to be “not currently recommended” so it has been reposted here for your consideration.

This post would not exist without significant contribution from James Wilt, who also created these masterpieces of graphic design.


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